30 the new 21?

September 27, 2009 at 8:03 pm (2009)

125_30_Credit-Crunch-Jokes

I suppose I am hitting that age where everything tends to catch up with you, you look back and wonder what the hell happened and how can I possibly be on the verge of 30? This weekend was bad; why I allow myself out the house when I am pissed off at the world is beyond me.  I screwed up big time and in the process fucked off alot of people. I do tend to have a big mouth, when I am drunk its ten times worse, luckily Vic understands me, Vic’s new boy (an old friend of mine) however doesn’t.

When I am pissed off at the world I want to crawl into a good book and ignore the world or rather ignore my life. When I have to face it I get irritated, when I have to watch the people that I love “in love” I cant help but want to run away from my singledom and hide. Does that make any sense? Like I say I am in no way ready for anyone to come into my life but why does my being a single still irk me so much? Left, right and centre or rather every other week a friend on facebook is proudly proclaiming their pending marriage or their joy at how fertile they are and I suppose their happiness just brings it right home that I am of that age.

Age you say is nothing these days but as the inevitable tick tock on the baby clock booms it brings you back to the startling realisation, that you are A) unattached B) almost 30, with no suitable suitors on the horizon and C) I wonder what my ovaries are starting to look like?

I also have to face facts, I haven’t followed my dream of becoming a hard-hitting journalist and I suppose that’s what hits home the most. Where is my life going people tend to ask and I really don’t know? The ride has been somewhat fun filled so far but the fun doesn’t fill those wide gaping holes of dreams unfulfilled.

I may be content with my life right now but I am so damn bored with content and I desperately need a new adventure before I allow content to be the norm in my life.

H

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Update: To Gym or do Jim??

September 21, 2009 at 8:22 pm (2009)

I have been incredibly pensive lately, contemplating my next move, not sure how to go about it but for now this is my plan:

Gym, I am loving it funnily enough, getting my lazy ass kicked into gear and feeling that burn and the sweat trickling down my back, walking away feeling energised and somehow complete.

Sex, hmmm, some may find this amusing because I am about to condradict myself for the 500th time but here goes. I was walking along the beach in Bettys Bay this weekend, nothing but me and the sound of waves crashing on the shore, the sun setting and beautiful mountains surrounding me and I came to conclusion that I have allowed sex to become something of a recreational activity. Its lost the spark it once had, its no longer special its just something that I see as a bit of fun. And yes, thats whats sex is all about the fun, the orgasms but its no longer special and that is why I have decided to give it up for little awhile (sorry Guru). I do however want to have tent sex at Rocking the Daisies, fuck, little bit of predicament but I will try and push on through it. I want to meet someone and I want sex to be special again, am I being positively vomitous?? However I have also decided that I dont want to anyone in my life right now so I suppose that helps with the whole no having sex thing in a way. Boys bring bullshit and I dont want any bullshit while I am trying to figure shit out.

And I am content, fucking content, in love with life if that makes any sense? Vic, how about you and I hit Rafiki’s this weekend for a bit of a spliff and a tall frosty?? Mmmmm Beer no good for the fat ass but sooo damn good.  When do you think the stupid beer making people are going to bring Heineken draught to the Republic of Cape Town??

Okay enough shit talking for one day, Holly

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How to know when you are “in” there for dummies!

September 18, 2009 at 1:51 pm (Guy Skills)

stupid

So I was chatting to the Guru yesterday and was pondering what to write for my next post, something that would be interesting to a guy and something that guys always wanted to know. He came up with, “how do you know when you’re really in there”, I thought about for a little while and then came up with, “how the hell do you not know when you are “in” there?” We aren’t in kindergarten anymore children, its not fucking hard.

Yes, maybe writing from a chicks point of view it would not seem hard but really now. If you really had to think about it, it’s fairly easy to know when you are “in there”.

Think about it.

Okay for the ones that are slow on the up take here goes:

  1. She has been standing there for at least an hour listening to you dissect your boring ass job. She digs you, she wants to suck face with you.
  2. She is ignoring the rest of your friends and her friends and making it (okay in my mind) blatantly obvious that she wants your ass.
  3. Touching, wow, that’s a fucking no brainer, think about it. She accidentally touches your hand, links arms or while laughing at one of your crappy jokes touches your arm, you are pretty much in there.
  4. “Come dance with me, pretty please” = you’re in there.
  5. Please note: that if you buy a girl a drink and she accepts it, you are not necessarily in there. This one is important because some fuckwits out there still seem to think that buying a girl a drink constitutes a blowjob. I don’t think so.

That’s all I can think of, to be quite honest, instead of waiting around for the chicks to pull a move, why don’t guys just take a chance and try for a change.

So you get shot down, its not like your dick is going to fall off.

Till next time, Holly

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10 things you dont know about me???

September 13, 2009 at 7:34 pm (Uncategorized)

This is extremely hard because I am like an open book, but I suppose there are few things that people dont get, such as:

1.  I love poetry, I am a poet at heart, beautiful words that I can only understand.

2. I love Shakespeare. When I was at school, I was one of the few that understood what was going on. Beautiful words.

3. I havent written anything that I am proud of since my Mom died.  She supported everything that I did and I miss her sooo fucking much.

4. I want to be a  journalist, I want to write about things that mean something, fact based.

5. I protect everyone that I love. And its so hard to worry all the time.

6. I cry when I see something beautiful. When I am very happy I cry. When I see something that takes my breath away, it makes me cry.

7. I am incredibly cut throat, you have 5 chances and then you’re done. Dont hurt me, dont fuck me over, its done.

8. The only time that I like a guy is when I am intellectually challenged. Right now I dont like anyone and thats new for me.

9. I am a romantic, I give my heart, I give eveything, I wear my heart on my sleeve. And I love and I am loved.

10. When my coffin is carried out I want them to play Chesney Hawkes “I am the one and Only”. Because.

11. I know this is 10 things but I thought of something that is important to me, I am a Christian through and through. I have been through a few things and God always pulls me through. I believe in the sunset, I believe in new life and there is nothing and no one that will ever take that away from me.

Holly 🙂

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Best and Worst Places to Get it On

September 13, 2009 at 10:35 am (Let's Talk About Sex Baby)

sex positions

We’ve all tried some rather strange places to get jiggy with it – especially as sex-crazy teenagers when we were forced to get creative if we wanted to get any action at all. Some places were better than others, while there were a few places that didn’t quite work out as well as the movies led you to believe. Trial and error is the name of this game, which is how I came to discover the best and worst places for a shag…

The Worst:

* Beaches – sand, sand, and more sand. And cigarette butts, and then more sand. I only tried this once, and we didn’t even manage to finish… it was that awkward.

* The Shower – it seemed like such a good idea, and was great for fooling around. But trying to finish the act while you keep your balance, avoid water jetting in your face, try not to slip on the soap and not to mention kill the condom? Not so hot.

* The Kitchen – this would have been more fun if the floor hadn’t been hard, cold tiles. As it happened we had to stay on the floor in case anyone passed by the window. My butt was numb for hours afterwards.

* Cars – I don’t care if it’s a classic old skool location remiscant of 50’s movies and rebellious teenagers – it is just awkward and not enough room to enjoy it properly. Plus there is the added fun of where to park. Still, it does have that wild and spontaneous vibe I guess.

The Best:

* Bed – call me boring and old fashioned, but there’s a reason most action happens in the bedroom. Comfortable, spacious, bouncy… it has everything you need, and if you need to change things up he can always pick you up and slam you against the built-in cupboards.

* The Couch – next best thing to the bed, lots of different angling opportunties and the added benefit of being nice and comfortable. No carpet burn and rather cosy, can also be a bonus if you happen to be watching naughty movies together and couldn’t make it to the bedroom.

* Chair – all the right angles, total control for the lady, and the added perk of being able to tie him to the chair legs, chairs can be loads of fun. Helps to have a cushion though!

* Outside – this has to be done very carefully though – at night, somewhere secluded and preferably with a blanket. There is something romantic about literally seeing stars as you hit the big Oh… just make sure you remember the blanket!

What are your favourite and least memorable locations?

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One of those Fwds that you just have to share

September 12, 2009 at 6:24 am (Uncategorized)

1) Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

2) I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

3) Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

4) More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me

5) The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.

6) Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

7) Do you remember when you were a kid; playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in the world did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or faq’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

8) There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

9) Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.

10) I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.

11) How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

12) I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

13) The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text

14) Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”

15) I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

16) Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

17) How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

18) I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a d1ck from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

19) Everytime I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”

20) What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

21) While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

22) Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

23) I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

24) I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

25) Bad decisions make good stories.

26) Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB-gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!

27) Is it just me or do high school girls get s1uttier & s1uttier every year?

28) Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….

29) You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

30) There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

31) I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

32) “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

33) I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’

34) I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

35) I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

36) I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my itunes.

37) Why is a school zone 40kph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for paedophiles…

38) As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

39) Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

40) I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

41) The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@stard before dinner.

42) Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

43)I wonder if cops ever get p1ssed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

44) I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

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Who needs Yoga…

September 5, 2009 at 6:28 am (Uncategorized)

Life is good, I feel good and I’ve made a decision. It has definitely been awhile since I’ve written but apparently this week I was blessed with a social life. Since the last decisions, decisions post I have a made a rapid turnaround in my way of thinking, I am a Gemini, I’m entitled to contradict myself on many occasions. Sometimes a “Gem” sometimes a “Naai”, I honestly think my Gemness overrides my Naainess, quality shit.

I have decided not to move to Jo’burg right now, yes the men are hotter in Jo’burg and the Money is even hotter but I am just starting to find myself here or rather find my “niche”.   I have also decided that that I dont want a boyfriend right now, I need some me time, I’m happy with myself and I am happy with who I am, who needs a relationship to complicate things, I need to spend more time working on me. I am also heading back to gym, thats part of the working on me time. Although I do think that if I was having regular sex I wouldnt need the gym, burning off those calories while getting sexual pleasure at the same time,  need I say more.

I am also starting the re-think my ideas about the shag buddy, their useful. After having an incredibly stressful week at work I IM’ed the Guru, “I’m sexually frustrated, I need a shag, you keen?” He was, I felt like a naughty school girl giggling away at work, organising to be let out early so that I could race to town  to “pick up something”, ha, ha, yes, to pick up some action more like. It been awhile since the Guru and I have met up, I havent been with anyone else and damn it felt good. The stress just melted away as the endorphins kicked in, I walked out of there feeling a little slutty but as soon as I got into my car and the stress melted off my shoulders, I have to say, nothing could get me down, who needs drugs, who needs yoga, I was high on life. I love sex.  I’ve been giggling away like a school girl ever since.

So all is well in Holly Land once more, action, the key to Holly Happiness, who knew?

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Fun and games

September 1, 2009 at 6:52 pm (2009, Fun and Games, Guy Skills)

One of my favourites things to entertain myself with at work is smsing my boyfriend all sorts of dirty innuendos and hints. This serves a number of purposes – firstly, I get a kick of out making him lose his focus at work (yes, I am evil) and also it makes it even more fun when I know I’m going to see him later.

Sometimes we even play this game when we’re out, it’s a fun part of foreplay I suppose and it never fails to delight me when I know what he’s thinking as he reads my texts.

This got me thinking, games are a lot of fun and great way to keep things fresh – but at what point do you draw the line, and is there such a thing as too much experimenting? Currently we’re pretty tame, aside from the texts and saucy underwear and occasional blindfolding we don’t really need much of the hardcore stuff. This seems to work for both of us, and I also think that sometimes when you’re always trying to experiment and try new things, you tend to lose that simplicity that enables you to have a mind-blowing time with no props or agendas at all.

So, while we will certainly try a few more tricks in our repetoire,  I hope we’ll never have the need for his ‘n hers dildos or hectic bondage sets. His strip teases are pretty much enough to get me going – hilarious as they are, it is almost impossible to not be turned on, hehe.

~ Vic

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