Feeling Crazy?

March 28, 2010 at 2:14 pm (Uncategorized)

I know its been awhile since I’ve written but due to being internetless at my new pad I have had to cut down on my posts – maybe it will make things a little more interesting who knows?

So sexual frustration started kicking in about 6 weeks into my “deny the penis” escapade, eek that didnt last long did it. However I dont think denying the penis is necessarily the right way to go about things, who am I kidding, I am one giant hormone, I cant deny the penis ever…

I went out on Friday on a mission, get drunk and get laid, I had alot of steam to blow off, work has been manic, studying after work has been manic and to top it all off exercising has been crazy, I am a zombie by the time the week comes to an end. I suppose the good news is my giant boobs are starting to shrink – always a bonus. Some people have alternative ways of blowing off steam, taking drugs, going for a hike or playing sport. Me, I just want to get drunk and get laid – I should have been born with a penis. I met some interesting boys on Friday:

  1. Boy 1 wanted me to kiss him even though he had a girlfriend, I politely declined and told him to call me when he no longer has a girlfriend, he told me to give him 2 and a half weeks. I will beleive it when I see it.
  2. Boy 2 wanted me to have a threesome with him and his girlfriend, I politely declined and said I dont do vagina, he then said he would have to speak to his other friend and proceeded to ask if I have any fetishes, I told him porn! He then asked what kind of porn? I said all porn and then I promptly got bored and left the conversation.
  3. Boy 3, a dutch dude, no not a boere an actual dutch dude! Okay I kissed him, it got kind of insane and then I realised I was far to fucked to be in the situation so I promptly started ignoring him and went and had another drink – water.
  4. Boy 4, we have met boy 4 before but I am not naming names for my own sanity – everyone started leaving, we chilled at the bar, the place started closing, I was still drinking my water trying to sobre up then we started kissing then clothes started flying everywhere and then, well, I finally met a man who knows what he’s doing, its been awhile but I threw caution to the wind and fuck it was awesome just to not give a shit about anything for that brief moment in time.  It was crazy but good crazy, I miss crazy, not alot of people have met my crazy. Damn I love crazy.

Awesome weekend, I actually like boy 1 we spoke for hours about life in general and what we would do if anything, we both said travel. I told him why I sometimes really hate living in Cape Town, I always have to worry about what others think. He told me to stop worrying and just do what I want. So I did and it feels good and I am trying not to worry about what anyone else but me thinks and me thinks it was a fucking rad weekend!!!



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Home Run

March 14, 2010 at 3:59 pm (Uncategorized)

The week started off really badly I had my V jay jay violated by the lady doctor on Monday, apparently I have an extra long cervix, good for carrying babies however not so good because they have to open you extra wide. I tried to go to my happy place, imagining Vin Diesel was violating me but when the words “Stop tensing Holly otherwise I will have to crank this thing wider” were used I couldnt be happy all I could think was, no man with an extra large penis is ever going anywhere near my vagina, ever!!!

I also decided to do all of the dreaded tests, not because I havent been careful but because it is necessary in this day and age. HIV and all the weird fanny diseases anyone could ever catch from a dirty penis. All I have to say was the wait was enough to put me off sex for life, when I am scared shitless I retreat into myself, everyone was oooh your handling this well, I was gagging so nauseous I thought I was dying. Finally the lady doctor called me on Thursday with best news I have ever received in my entire life, I promptly burst into tears, the fear of the unkown the fear that you are dying even though you know there is no chance that you could be dying, you still think you just might be dying from that one time at band camp that you werent careful enough. Everything looked brighter, the sun was shining, the birds were tweeting and for the first time in a long time I felt truly alive.

Nothing like a good ole HIV test to put things into perspective. I was watching Men in Trees last night after going to watch a mates show, the main character (Anne Heche) turns to this asshole who is telling her he’s confused just after he’s told her he’s in love with her and she says to him basically “screw you, I am better than this, I deserve better, I am intelligent and I am beautiful and there are other guys out there that would give their right arm to be with me, I am a home run, I AM A HOME RUN!!!” And thats how I feel right now – I am a home run, I am intelligent and I am beautiful and I deserve better.

I still beleive in love and I will never ever settle for anything less!!!

And now that I know that I am not dying and I can have 500 babies if I want to I feel well and truly ready to face the love factor that has scared me for so long!

Bring it!!


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The List

March 7, 2010 at 10:16 am (Uncategorized)

Fuck this song makes me laugh!!! Catering to my dirty sense of humour!!

Muis and I were sitting around with a bottle of vino Friday night, Mr Spliff in one hand and discussing the past, virginity and The List were the main topics of conversation. The laggies started kicking in and the pen and paper came out, lets write down every single oke we have shagged bwahahahahaha. I have to admit it was quite difficult to remember them all, some were just that insignificant to my existance and not worth remembering. Good or bad it was an interesting read. Where it all started and where I am now. I started my teenagehood a complete bitch I broke a few hearts and destroyed a few ego’s and then I had my heart broken, well wake up call no.1. Then I didnt want to know, I kept them at a distance and used and abused them nobody could come close to me.

Then I met the boere, broken heart no.2, and I allowed myself to open up again, then he cheated on me and fucked me over and caused a few stitches (car accident) and well you just realise  how little someone cares about you when they are more upset about the car they just wrote off than about the fact that you have stitches all over and can barely walk. So I reverted back to using and abusing them and not letting anyone near my heart. I went through my long blonde hair, surfer types faze. Had two awesome shag buddys and made some awesome guy friends. And then I met Bad Shag.

We revert back to Bad Shag because now we are not looking at the good, we are looking at the ugly. As stated in my previous post we waited quite awhile before we shagged for the first time. I thought that when I told him at 4 months that I loved him the relationship would move forward but it didnt, he said he wasnt ready. I was patient because I loved him, I thought well theres other stuff to do thats just as fun but then the begging started. In the honeymoon faze of the relationship he was keen and ready to fool around but then it all changed. We would hang out and I would want to get down and dirty and he was never in the mood. I used all my mood tactics – the wake up blowjob, the driving blowjob, hand down pants under table, dressing up, dressing down, nothing fucking worked. A year and a half down the line we were getting ready to leave for London, he left 4 months before me and I stated that there was no chance in hell that he was leaving the country before we had shagged for the first time. Dirty weekend away, it was okay, I wont say that it was awkward, I wont say that it was spectacular either, it was just so incredibly random. We moved in together and I had to force the issue every single time, we argued over action for crying in a bucket, seriously, this is a guy, guys are one giant hormone. It got to a point where I started feeling undesirable, you start questioning yourself, start thinking theres something wrong with you. The only reason I kept on going was because everything else was awesome and I really loved him.

The Breakup – we started discussing the future, 3yrs down the line, marriage, babies blah blah… He said he didnt know if he wanted kids or if he wanted to get married, that was the straw that broke the camels back. I had been with this guy for 3yrs through thick and thin and he didnt know what he wanted. One night after another begging session I just sat up and asked the question for the 500th time -“What do you want?” he once again said he didnt know. I turned around my heart breaking and said “Well, then this isnt going to work!, I cant be with someone who doesnt know what they want because those are things that I want.” I cried, he cried, I had my first cigarette in two months. It was over and for about a month I was devastated. (He got married to the girl that I always hated 2 1/2 years later, girls always listen to your intuition)

Then I met the Irish – that dirty little devil, fuck he made me feel sexy but you already know that story.

3 broken hearts and many a tale to tell – thats just the half of it.

Till next time,


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Bad Shag aka Monkey

March 2, 2010 at 9:08 pm (Uncategorized)

I think I have been giving Bad Shag some very bad press and I am starting to feel quite guilty about it. Maybe I should start with giving him a different name – just for this post of course.  He was my Monkey and I loved him.

We met and we fell in love, it was quite quick actually, we would talk for hours and hours online and on the phone, he would drive all from Somerset West every weekend just to spend time with me before I got over my fear of highways. He was my smartie (the sweets) man, he was my lollipop boy and he had the biggest blue eyes and gave the best hugs in the world. We would lie together and read for hours, we would go on road trips and hardly say a word and just listen to all the music that we loved.

We would party together, get drunk together and he would hold me till I fell asleep without complaining. We waited, we waited quite awhile before we slept together, I had made it clear from the beginning that I didnt want to sleep with him until I knew I loved him, 4 months later we were at a rock concert and I told him, I felt like my heart was going to burst, here was this man that I would do anything for and that would do anything for me.

When my Mom died he was there, he held me while I cried until I couldnt cry anymore, he held me when I couldnt hold myself up, he held me when I fought against him and he held me when I couldnt take it anymore, he held me when I drank myself into an emotional stupor after my Mom died and he still held me when we finally decided it wasnt working anymore. For that particular moment in time he was my strength so that I could be strong for my family.

If it wasnt for him, I would never have gone to London, I would never have met all the wonderful people that are still in life and I would never have fallen so hard on my butt and gained the strength that I have today.

He was my first real love, a special memory, a very special person.

He was my Monkey and I loved him.


PS Peter Cetera – Glory of Love, one of our songs, very cheeseball I know 😉 (after a particularly nail biting session of Karate Kid ha ha)

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