I blame hollywood…

January 24, 2011 at 6:44 pm (Just a few thoughts)

Yes, I know its been ages but I’ve been going through some kind of transition, I dont know how to explain it. I’ve been a bad friend and I’ve been very self indulgent, confused and I dont know how else to put other than I feel like my dreams for the future are changing and I blame my overies. I hate to harp on the whole I’m 30 boohoo but seriously it does make you start to see things differently.

I dont have time for bullshit, I dont have time for idiots and I think I am a little more sensitive in some areas but a little more full of shit in others. You definitely realise who your friends are, the ones you are going to keep for life and the ones who you dont really need.  Your eyes open very wide to the reality of who people really are and whether or not you want that influence in your life. I am definitely finding it alot easier to tell people where to shove it. Also I quite like who I am and fuck anyone who doesnt like it – bit of a fat ass at the moment but hey I still feel beautiful until I see the photographs lol…

The mantox, the damn mantox was destroyed by a drunken phone call to the Guru, eek, yes I know, I know, I should have just let sleeping dogs lie but when you have an itch well you know, scratch, scratch, scratch. So over it. Its been about 3yrs of scratching and what more is there? You never know whats going to happen after a couple of tequila’s, actually in general life just throws you into this repetitive game over and over and Slaapstad is killing me with its monotonous tones of grey people. The Guru is starting to turn a lighter shade of grey and I’m just damn bored of the whole situation. I would like to think its over now.

I ran into another one on Friday, the Player, drunk again and looking to score (me not him), I just dont get it, why I set myself up to fail just because its easier than the reality of trying to find someone new, someone that actually cares. This past summer I’ve had at least two guys who actually wanted to date me and I’ve batted them for a six. Maybe its the whole nice guy thing again, the one had shaky hand syndrome, “ohmigod a breast, a breast, must touch it, I’ve never seen one before” argh, nothing worse than a guy who doesnt know what he’s doing. The other was an afrikaaner who probably cant say his th’s, “can I like to caress your jeanpant wiff my hand” ja, no, its not going to happen dude, I would wrap you around my little finger and crush you.

On a lighter note, I went to a friends wedding this weekend, I met so many cool people and I had so much fun dancing the night away. I met guys that could actually discuss novels (unfortunately in relationships), guys who were actually interesting and it made me open my eyes to the fact that maybe just maybe, all is not lost and I will find that sex god who blows my mind with his mind and I just need to be more open to possibilities, allow the real in and stop giving wankers licence to get into my pants. And dammit I am such a romantic and after watching how my parents loved each other, I so badly want that too. Damn Hollywood with their grandious ideas of what love is all about, stories of princesses and freaking happy endings, I think they’ve screwed up our generation with their fake realities.

So for now I am just going to live my life, stop watching romcoms and reading those trashy romcom books and keep on living life and making the most of every moment because who knows whats coming next, I have to make my life mine and the time is now.

Happy New Year people I hope 2011 is full of adventure!!

H xx


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