January 27, 2010 at 9:52 pm (2009)

So I have some good news, my boss is awesome!! Yes, it does contradict all previous statements but one minute I really hate my job (I still do) and then he does something awesome like gives me a huge bonus. You have to understand how this company works to understand how awesome the bonus can be. We don’t get pension or medical aid but we get the Bonus!! The bonus is based on quarterly targets, quite large targets – we aren’t really talking sales here – its more corporate, no cold calling, just dealing with clients in general. But if you suck up enough to the mini managers of this world the bonus can be a happy place to be. I’m not talking a few cents here and there; I’m talking a 13th cheque every 3 months. Probably the only reason I am still working for this place. It’s actually quite evil because one minute you are finally looking for another job and the next you want to actually work harder for the bastard. He might just be using some Jedi mind trick but damn it really works.

So right now I am paying off debt, Zille (my car) is getting a facelift due to some unfortunate damage on an unfortunate weekend, I am finally getting a long overdue haircut and I think I may just go shopping, what the hell, I feel a La Senza mission coming on. Pamper day!!

So I have finally put my nose in a book, my brain is being drained by Communication Law, right now they are just discussing the different aspects of each court and how it all works. Alot of it I already know, alot of it is common knowledge, alot of it you can learn just by watching Boston Legal but that’s just the first chapter, just you wait I will finally get to see how much of the stuff I write about and the people I write about can nail me in the butt one day. Please hope and pray that bad shag never reads this and little dick shew, hopefully never.

But damn I am feeling positive about the future, my Dad went to watch Invictus and this poem came out of it.  Poetry is such a special “language” I always tend to find poems that speak to me and inspire me, this poem reflects where I am right now, the studies, work and in general day-to-day life:


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

H 😉


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Do Not Disturb!!

January 5, 2010 at 7:12 pm (2009, 2010, Let's Talk About Sex Baby)

Happy New Year!! I cant believe that its already 2010, shew 2009 went quickly, is that an old age thing?? I left for Kenton on Sea on the 27th Dec and had a week of pure heaven, waking up only to roll into the ocean for my morning swim and only leaving the couch when a drinking session was in order. It is truly one of the most beautiful places that I have ever been.

Some craziness was of course in order with tour de Kenton being the start off, an afternoon of cycling and down downs, drunken mayhem with cyclists rolling into the ocean. I was of course in the back of the bakkie with my shooter girls, damn those okes were dronken.  Lets just say the week was mad, relaxing and beautiful. I really didnt want to come home, I really didnt want to go back to work today with a beautiful Slaapstad day looming, 31 degrees later and 8hrs wasted. New Years resolution: FIND A NEW JOB!!

So ummm some craziness did go down, I hate it when I am put in a situation where I dont know what to do.  I went up to Kenton with my eye’s open, I know my mate Slug has always liked me but unfortunately I just dont feel the same. He’s not a bad guy, I just dont see him like that. Tour de Kenton is where it all started really, drunkeness followed by passing out next to him, he tried his luck, I didnt know what to do, I pretended to sleepily swat his hand away but he kept on trying. What is it with guys, because this has happened before, that makes them think that if a girl goes to sleep next to them that they have the licence to feel her up?? I mean seriously having some guys hard cock ramming my jean pant is just not fucking sexy. I eventually just got angry and told him to fuck off and went to bed. I was drunk it doesnt mean I want to shag you, if I had wanted to shag you I would have ripped your clothes off when we got into bed. Another drunken night, the same thing happened, you would have thought I would have learnt the first time, or rather he would have learnt the first time but to no avail, I had ye olde hard cock ramming my jean pant again. Seriously, no fucking seriously, I was not impressed. This has happened before – situations where I’m too drunk to drive home so I sleep over, hand trying to “gefoefel” the v-jay-jay, not cool. Other situations where its a good friend and you are just napping over and the hand starts trying to touch the boobies, not kosher my friend not kosher.

I just dont get it? What makes guys think that they can do that? I have showed no interest whatsoever, I havent even sucked face with you, I am about to pass out into my comotose drunken slumber and now you want to play? Lank romantic.

Anyhoo, he eventually got over it, I think my telling him when he was sober that his behaviour deserved a good ballatijie kicking, made him see sense – finally!!

So its 2010, my new favourite saying for 2010 is “check that Betty!!”, but you have to say it with a proper jo’burg coogirl accent!! Hilarious! The last night we were there, we were on the cane train, tequila being poured down our throats it was crazy. Lyn was off her trolley and then the famous saying came out “check that BETTY!!” There was this poor girl who was clearly high on something holding onto a pole and lifting up her skirt and showing off her v-jay-jay Paris Hilton style. It makes me scared to have children one day.

It was a hilarious week, funny and fucked up and just incredibly awesome all round. Totally nearly had an “ugly cry” when I left (another holiday joke, I guess you had to be there).

So 2010, its going to to be mad, my song of summer attached.

H 😉

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Breakups 101

December 21, 2009 at 8:15 pm (2009)

So it’s been about three and a half weeks of being single again, and while I can’t say there haven’t been some really shitty days, all in all it isn’t ALL bad being on my own again. The things that I have always liked about being single are not the usual things… for me it was never about behaving badly all the time or partying non-stop. That’s not to say that I don’t want to party at all or score randoms ever again – it’s just not the be all and end all about being my own person again.

The highs…

  • Never having to apologise or be careful what I say
  • Being able to not worry about shaving my legs every day
  • Going off the pill for a break
  • Going out and drinking what I want, and coming home as late as I want
  • Putting myself first again
  • Remembering that there are so many hot guys in this city
  • Not having to take advice or lean on anyone

The lows…

  • Not being able to share funny things
  • Being out and drunk and feeling vulnerable
  • No more shags/foot rubs/kisses and hugs on tap
  • Having someone to comfort me after a bad day
  • Missing all the quirks and laughs and long discussions and phone calls from the bath

It comes down to trial and error I suppose, and I will eventually get it right. Much as it would be easier to hate him or call him an asshole, I can’t really do that and I don’t have any hard feelings really. Sure I miss him still, and I will feel sad for a while still… but overall it’s getting easier and I think I’ve handled it all pretty well, all things considered.

If anything, this has taught me a lot about what I want, and who I have become. Whatever happens, I am just not that same jaded hard-ass single chick I was before all of this, and I’m glad about that. With work and friends and family taking up so much of my life, and big plans for this next year, it feels like I’ve grown up a lot and I don’t have to resort back to the old me.

A amicable and clean breakup, that’s the best way to do it – once the last bit of sads go away, I’ll be right as rain with no hang ups or scars. And compared to some of the other shit I’ve been through, this has been a walk in the park. It is that reason more than anything else that makes dating nice guys the way to go! 😉

~ Vic

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Summer Madness…

December 14, 2009 at 9:41 pm (2009, Fun and Games)

This last week has been a bit crazy, I have to admit I’ve gone off the rails a bit. Plan “bring crazy back” brought a whole new level of fun to my life, I now truly understand the concept of “the year of yes”.  I have allowed myself to become too staid, taking crazy out of my life brought a whole new level of boredom. I started forgetting all the good things about crazy, the unexpected parties, the unexpected Brit boy and as soon as I started allowing the crazy back in I have to say my life has taken an unexpected upturn. In the book The Secret they talk about allowing positive energy into your life, as long as you can dream it, as long as you are positive good shit happens. And maybe for me, crazy is just that, my positive side pushing out all the negative boring crap that happens on a day to day basis and bringing a new sense of lightness, happiness and a feeling that as scary as change may be, change brings a new adventure and I love new adventures. So I cant afford to travel right now, I will just create my own little journey in my backyard.

So it only ended up being a week of Brit boy, we hooked up a couple of times, it was really awesome, it made me realise alot of things but the greatest thing to come out of it was the realisation that I am not lost, I am still me and no matter where I am in my life and in this crazy fucked up world, me is not such a bad place to be. And to be quite honest he made me feel so damn sexy, Irish did that for me after Bad Shag destroyed my self esteem and now Brit boy has done it again. Dont get me wrong, I dont have shitty self esteem, some might say I am far too over confident but when you dont put yourself out there you start to retreat into yourself and sometimes thats not a good place to be.

I find it quite amusing that as soon as you put yourself out there, good stuff happens, all of a sudden the propositions are there. I have always liked Monster Munch but didnt give the thought of scoring him a second thought. He is a complete trust fund baby but with a wicked sense of humour and a penchant for causing mayhem. Eek he tried, I feel guilty I totally batted him for a six but when someone you never thought would ever go for you does, you also realise that all is not lost, ooh baby, I’ve still got it.

The good news that I havent told you guys yet:

  1. I am finally getting my raise along with the inflation increase raise in February, my boss is not as stingy and full of shit as I thought. Exciting times, I may just start looking for another job anyway.
  2. I love HM Revenue and Customs, finally after two years I am getting my tax back, and damn but all those Pounds have been worth the wait. Exchange rate you better stay high.
  3. I’m moving to town next year and I really cant wait for that adventure to begin, I really do beleive the move will bring a whole new chapter to my life.
  4. Brit boy ended up being an asshole, as exciting as the inital stages were he was a bit of chop and a bit doff too, doff turns me off. But I had fun and thats whats important at the end of the day. He was just a catalyst, a means to an end, a stepping stone on the road toward being me again.

So summer is here, late nights, warm glistening water on sun soaked skin, the smell of wet, hot pavements after the summer rain and a wonderful sense that anything is possible.



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“It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right. I hope you had the time of your life.”

December 7, 2009 at 9:18 pm (2009)

Saturday was awesome, crazy but awesome – I shall tell the tale knowing that boys that I don’t necessarily want to read this will read this but it was so perfect that well how can I not share one of the best experiences that I have ever had.

Vic and I had arranged a party night, we hadn’t been out in awhile but with Vic’s newly single status we had to go out and celebrate/commiserate and put the plan of “get mojo back” into action. Before we went out, I had said to Vic that I don’t care but I am not coming home until I had kissed someone. You see, it’s been a very long time since I have gone out met someone and just kissed, randomly, just like that, the tumbleweed between my legs just wasn’t working for me anymore and with the Guru away for the weekend, well it was time to get out there, divide and conquer, bring crazy back, crazy like London crazy, mojo deluxe.

Neighbourhood for chilled drinkies and a few Patrons, good laughs and the sound and heat of the city pulsating through your veins. Killer heels on, ready to take on Long Street. We needed to dance and so we hit Dubliner, old school vibes, some hot tourists, some sleaze balls and one really cute Brit boy.  Flirt, flirt, flirt…….damn when you’re good, you’re good. I haven’t lost it; it’s all there for the taking. We kissed, I went off to buy my street kids some chow and then I lost him. I was so pissed off. Vic was dronky and wanted to head home, I was depressed about losing Brit boy so I just said yes, even though I was still in party mode. We climbed in the taxi and then all of sudden there he was, it was so perfect, some may even call it fate. I told him to jump in.

We dropped Vic off and then it was time to decide where to go next, since he was fresh off the boat, I asked him if he had seen the sea yet. The answer being no, I directed the taxi driver in the direction of Camps Bay (somewhere along this line I lost my cell phone). The smell of sea air permeating the air, toes curled in the sand and the waves crashing around our feet we kissed in the moonlight, very romantic, very sexy and totally crazy. Who was this guy?

We headed out, back to his hotel, kisses, lots and lots of kisses, stumbling into the entry hall, requesting beers for the room, I don’t think we even finished one. I don’t think I want to go into detail but lets just say honestly one of the best nights of my life, awe inspiring, amazing, completely perfect in everyway. He’s here for two weeks; this is going to be fun.

He only has one con – he’s a cockney – he says nuffink – but he travels the world working for the Home Office so he’s an educated cockney. And we like educated boys don’t we?



PS Who needs yoga?

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Oh, ooh… no!

December 3, 2009 at 8:22 pm (2009, Guy Skills)

I have to say it… when one partner doesn’t feel the urge to make a noise in bed, and the other just can’t suppress their giggle-worthy moans, it’s not all that easy to find a middle ground. Waking up the neighbours with noises that make you want to laugh, cry or just put your hand over their mouth is never the best way to get into the mood – it just isn’t hot!

So what do you do if you have a noisy one? Like I did, you put up with it. You put on music and you try to resist the urge to put a pillow over their face, and you just accept that it’s something some do. I’m a quiet one, he never was. At least he never snored!

Ah well, at least I don’t have to put up with that anymore, hehe. Hopefully the next one will be quieter – and also not snore. Too bad you can’t program them beforehand, that would make like so much easier hey ladies!

~ Vic

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***Cause we all just wanna be big Rock Stars ***

November 15, 2009 at 9:33 pm (2009)

Damn I am feeling good, putting a time out on boys has helped to put everything into perpective. Its funny how they can override your thoughts but anyway its all become very clear to me now. So I am heading back to UNISA to finish my degree, its all very exciting in a weird way, I am scared shitless but in a good way. “Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I have decided to stop my fear of failure before it takes over my entire existance and wake up a 90 yr old woman with regrets. I dont want to regret anything. I want to be best and the time is now.

Shew but anyway, what a weekend. Friday was insane, started off at Rascals for a few pints of my favourite draught with the crew and lots of laughs, I refuse to mention the rugby and the dude that raped the National Anthem. Muis was hitting the Jaeger hard, “Holly, lets have another one!” which was promptly followed by “Ja, suuure, love that shit!” Headed to Home Bar for the final, okay not so final, drinks of the night. Ohhh the Patron was flowing, I love that stuff. I was having conversations with a dude about working for him at his publishing company, the funny things is when I knew him back in the day, he was the local organiser of weed and booze to all the up and coming influentials at Bishops, its funny how 10yrs and kids can make an oke grow up. Then Daisies came back to bite me in the ass, again,  I was promptly told of another idiotic thing that I did, eek,  “I’ll have another Patron please, I need to forget!”  You know its game over when the restaurant owner is telling you, you can leave with your beers if you just go now, Monster Munch and I left arms around each other and earphone in a each ear listening to Nicklebacks – Rockstar, epic night – not so epic the next morning.

Oooh I was hung, badly hung, I need to take a leaf out of Guru’s book and pop the valoid before bed. Wave after wave of nausea was hitting me, all I could think was how the fuck am I supposed to go and do 4hrs of team building, fecking team building on Saturday afternoon when the very thought of lifting my head from my pillow brought on sprints to the “white telephone”. I totally pulled a sicky, “cough, cough, I think I have food poisoning” sigh “been throwing up all night long!”  I think she totally knew that I was hanging but I could care less, I dont care about those assholes anymore and the fact that my boss had already paid for me to participate made cancelling all the sweeter. The unfortunate part of my hanging experience was Alpha is in town, I had to come right by 5pm for drinks and Deco. Shew that red wine went down badly but I held strong, my need to party with my friend who is only here for another week surpassed my need to vomit. Deco was awesome as always, the music puts me in my happy place, I may not be dressed like a goth anymore but I still can head bang with the best of them (my goth faze was very brief, 3 months of Doc Martens and long skirts just wasnt hot). Monster Munch came and partied with us, and this is then the dreaded words were spoken “Tequila!” Feck! Still partied like a rock star, even when I was hit on by a girl no less, eek, Monster Munch was sucking face in a corner and I was being hit on by a girl. Has it been that long since I have been with a guy that I am starting to look like a lesbian?? I need to get my mojo back its been to long. Now that I have a sense of purpose I need to head out on the town ooooh, shes back, with a vengeance. Parents lock your boys away. Guru you might be getting a late night phone call soon.


When she started asking me if I wanted to head back to her place was when the night was officially over for me. Monster’s chick was all over him like a wet t-shirt and I wasnt about to stick around for that. Two nights of 4am bed times, my body has taken a beating.

But fuck it, I’m 29 and I can still party like a Rock Star!!

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Size can matter

October 27, 2009 at 8:38 pm (2009, Fun and Games)

Argh its official my boss is an A class asshole, the past five days have been a high string of emotions that makes me wish I didn’t have a vagina. Friday was supposed to be my happy day, bonus day which leads to shopping day. I used to not be much of a shopper until London, shopping in London is my happy place.  Bonus day arrived with a giant fat “fuck you” attached to it, one giant slap through the face that made me want to quit on the spot. No more unpaid overtime for you buddy.  Called a meeting, ranted and raved and finally burst into tears . It takes alot for me to get emotional but I was positively shaking with rage. I have another meeting this week, I’m prepared, its all very well thought out and the storm that is raging within me will finally be released.  I will remain calm and proffessional but will beat those damn bastards down, they will not win. (I still went shopping though, why they give me accounts is beyond me, so sneaky)

Shew the vent was good. Oooh I have topic ha ha, let us head that way.

Obsession for men

As with all topics they have always have some story behind it,  even the stripper post has a story behind it. Alot of girls will say that size doesnt matter but is it so does, unless you are a virgin when you get married and have never seen a penis in your life, size does matter. The poor virgin chick is going to keep on wondering why she doesnt feel anything for the rest of that marriage, yes, I know, I am terrible.

One night we were out in Hout Bay, Thursday night madness at Kronendals, cheap beer and lots of flirtations. Lets think, this was about maybe 7 years ago, with usual crew which of course includes Angie and Vic. A hot summers night, with lots of beer being consumed, I was definitely pulling a few moves on some really hot Hout Bay Boys, okay maybe one in particular but damn he was fine.  Told designated driver that I was staying at Hout Bay Boys place, she gave me the Angie look but said fine anyway. We went back to his place and it started getting heated, hand headed for trousers and then….Shock! Horror! Hot Hout Bay Boy had a very tiny dingle dongle down below. I actually sat up, I didnt know what to say, “ummm, ahhhh ja, hey, I dont think this going work” , in my head I was thinking, did I just say that, fuck! “Umm, ja, hey, I think I better go.” Raced out of there and phoned Angie (thank God for cellphones). She fetched me and we got out of there very fast.

Yes, I sound like a complete bitch when I tell this story and yes some poor bastards out there have serious issues about their penis’, BMW drivers in particular but unfortunately its the truth. Sometimes, yes sometimes, it can be down to the motion of the ocean but like the ocean you have to have something to work with in order to create that tidal wave.

Different strokes for different folks.

But in that same breath, I had a very good guy friend (no, not a shag buddy) we used to hang out in Claremont all the time, we got hammered the one night, went back to the folks place to chill and drink more, when  he decided that now was the time to show me his penis, he had been going on about his giant cock for ages and how proud he was of it, who was I to put the poor guy down, it was like a game of I’ll show you mine if you show me yours. So I said “Ja, sure lets check it.” This thing was huge, a frigging anaconda, I was scared of it. He laughed at the shocked look on my face. All I could think was how does that damn thing fit. He ripped me off for a looong time, “Hollys scared of my penis”. And to be quite honest, I really was.

There are always two sides to every story but yes, size, definitely, does matter.


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Boyfriends vs Strip Clubs

October 19, 2009 at 8:15 pm (2009)

It’s an age old issue, and one that every woman has her own views on… how comfortable do you feel with your boyfriend going to a strip club?

I know women (my dear friend Holly included) who think that strip clubs can be fun, that there is nothing dodge about them at all and that it’s about inhibitions and such. That’s all very well, and perhaps I would go to one with friends for a laugh. When your man goes there with his friends however, and they enjoy a dance or two… it’s a bit of a different story.

My man is going to Mavericks on Thursday, as part of a boys night for a friend’s birthday. He used to be quite a fan of Mavericks, but in the months we’ve been dating, this is the first time he is going. I’m not sure how I feel to be honest. I was invited to come along, but with a hectic deadline looming ahead and not all that much interest in watching nekkid women wave their bits in my face I politely declined. It’s not quite a jealousy thing, and I’m a huge fan of Ladies Night… but somehow that’s always a bit different. Not only is it more about giggles and free shots, but it’s also not as dingy somehow. I always feel a tad grossed out by strip clubs, and the thought of my man being there is a bit of a turn-off.

Anyway, this is also a bit of a test, and my reaction is being closely monitored. Not-so-subtle hints about other girlfriends daring to voice their feelings or god forbid trying to prevent their men from going have all been dropped, and I’m not about to make a fuss over something like this – even if I really don’t get it at all. It’s one thing if the guy is single, another thing when he’s not. Fact.

Oh well, girl’s night at the end of the month… perhaps that means it’s fine to perve hot tourist boys?


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Sexual Healing?

October 15, 2009 at 6:41 pm (2009, Let's Talk About Sex Baby)

It’s funny. When you’re single and you don’t get laid in a while, it sucks – but never quite as much as it sucks when you’re in a relationship and you aren’t getting any. Sex when things aren’t going well isn’t always great, but at the same time it helps you connect… and helps sooth things somehow. Getting lost in the closeness, tears forgotten, arguments dissolved.

And sex after making up? Well, that is something in a league of its own. 🙂

So sexual healing… that’s what I am in need of right now.

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