I blame hollywood…

January 24, 2011 at 6:44 pm (Just a few thoughts)

Yes, I know its been ages but I’ve been going through some kind of transition, I dont know how to explain it. I’ve been a bad friend and I’ve been very self indulgent, confused and I dont know how else to put other than I feel like my dreams for the future are changing and I blame my overies. I hate to harp on the whole I’m 30 boohoo but seriously it does make you start to see things differently.

I dont have time for bullshit, I dont have time for idiots and I think I am a little more sensitive in some areas but a little more full of shit in others. You definitely realise who your friends are, the ones you are going to keep for life and the ones who you dont really need.  Your eyes open very wide to the reality of who people really are and whether or not you want that influence in your life. I am definitely finding it alot easier to tell people where to shove it. Also I quite like who I am and fuck anyone who doesnt like it – bit of a fat ass at the moment but hey I still feel beautiful until I see the photographs lol…

The mantox, the damn mantox was destroyed by a drunken phone call to the Guru, eek, yes I know, I know, I should have just let sleeping dogs lie but when you have an itch well you know, scratch, scratch, scratch. So over it. Its been about 3yrs of scratching and what more is there? You never know whats going to happen after a couple of tequila’s, actually in general life just throws you into this repetitive game over and over and Slaapstad is killing me with its monotonous tones of grey people. The Guru is starting to turn a lighter shade of grey and I’m just damn bored of the whole situation. I would like to think its over now.

I ran into another one on Friday, the Player, drunk again and looking to score (me not him), I just dont get it, why I set myself up to fail just because its easier than the reality of trying to find someone new, someone that actually cares. This past summer I’ve had at least two guys who actually wanted to date me and I’ve batted them for a six. Maybe its the whole nice guy thing again, the one had shaky hand syndrome, “ohmigod a breast, a breast, must touch it, I’ve never seen one before” argh, nothing worse than a guy who doesnt know what he’s doing. The other was an afrikaaner who probably cant say his th’s, “can I like to caress your jeanpant wiff my hand” ja, no, its not going to happen dude, I would wrap you around my little finger and crush you.

On a lighter note, I went to a friends wedding this weekend, I met so many cool people and I had so much fun dancing the night away. I met guys that could actually discuss novels (unfortunately in relationships), guys who were actually interesting and it made me open my eyes to the fact that maybe just maybe, all is not lost and I will find that sex god who blows my mind with his mind and I just need to be more open to possibilities, allow the real in and stop giving wankers licence to get into my pants. And dammit I am such a romantic and after watching how my parents loved each other, I so badly want that too. Damn Hollywood with their grandious ideas of what love is all about, stories of princesses and freaking happy endings, I think they’ve screwed up our generation with their fake realities.

So for now I am just going to live my life, stop watching romcoms and reading those trashy romcom books and keep on living life and making the most of every moment because who knows whats coming next, I have to make my life mine and the time is now.

Happy New Year people I hope 2011 is full of adventure!!

H xx

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Hi my name is Holly and its been 92 days…

September 28, 2010 at 4:46 pm (2010, Just a few thoughts)

since my last shag.

I want this boy!!

You would think I would be clawing at straws by now but surprisingly I’m okay. Okay I’m a lighter shade of purple. And I attempted sexually abusing Toy Boy on Thursday night before promptly getting bored and kicking him out of my flat (I was defriended on facebook because of this ha ha). I have no shame when I am drunk and I actually told him I was bored and that it was time to leave, he wasnt impressed, I didn’t care, I still don’t care, does that make me a bad person. Boys that smell like dove soap, I don’t know hey, my clit died.

Less than two weeks till Daisies, there’s a new boy that I like, he’s emotionally unstable, just broken up with his girlfriend and acts like a cocky wanker in front of his friends. On the other hand he loves the same music that I do, likes me for all my bullshit and we can talk for hours and hours. He even called me exotically beautiful, does that mean the same thing that cute does? Hope not. I am not sure if Daisies is the right time to attempt a fondle with this boy. But man I want him. Did I mention he plays the drums too, yesiree, this boy used to play in a band, sexy Rocker boy mmmm…. Leave me be all I have left are my fantasies.

My mate and I went onto some dating websites the other day (is this a sign of pure and unadulterated desperation eek), and I decided I am not quite ready to pay to date, why must I pay someone to get introduced to some new boys. Is it the sign of the times that everything is done in front of a freaking computer and no one just goes out and meets people. Vomit not quite ready to follow that path. Desperation is not in my vocabulary just yet.

No news, no penis, does 3 months of no sex make me a virgin again?

H

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I won, I won…kinda

August 27, 2010 at 5:37 pm (2010, Just a few thoughts)

Well apparently some people don’t know the law, some people don’t know how my family work, you fuck with one, you fuck with all, oh it was so much fun when they had to sit there and retract their statements. Oh it was so much fun when I scared them into thinking they needed a lawyer and yes, oh yes it was so much fun to act like nothing had happened and to watch their faces.

I was sitting having a beer with Muis the other day and I came to the conclusion that men who are ambitious really freaking turn me on. Cleverness matched with ambition makes me weak in the knees. Looking at history and blah blah, the only guys that I have really gone for have been these successful, intelligent, go-getters mmmm…

Irish was on his way up, playing the stock market, Furball is a genius scientist/businessman, Guru well I wont mention what he does but it extremely successful and clever. The rest are all pretty much in the same category. Ambitious and hard-working, I wont lie it makes me a little tingly down below.

Things that turn me on, conversation, a proper conversation really turns me on, it’s all about communication for me not necessarily in the bedroom as well but outside. If I can have a proper conversation with you, then well the rest will follow accordingly.

Met a weird boy the other day, what is with weird boys and their need to sms stalk you about how they just want to cuddle no strings attached. Fuck off seriously, I am not going to give you licence to fondle my soft bits, sorry dude. If I am not attracted to you when royally dronk, then I will never be attracted to you.

I have also realised, as all woman are, at some point in their lives, incredibly manipulative. If I am about to not get my own way I will pull every trick out of my bag to make it go my way, there is only one person on this planet who doesn’t fall for it. No names mentioned but it seriously drives me insane and once again the tingles start. A man who doesn’t fall for my bullshit they are few a far between unfortunately this one is off-limits, playing the game is fun but games only get you so far.

So I have rambled enough for one evening I think its time to head out for drinks and some good tunes…feel it, it is here, Friday, shew I have missed you.

H

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I wish I could argue without crying!

August 23, 2010 at 4:48 pm (2010, Just a few thoughts)

Being female is the bain of my existence, I wish for one day I could be a man and argue to the point of frustration, without fucking crying. I wish that my ovaries didnt dictate my tear ducts and I wish that I could be rational when PMSing. I wish that I could have a rational argument without delving into my evil side and I wish that those that have it in for me a revolving door of Karma in their faces.

I wish all the things I think about after the fact, would come into my brain while the argument is actually occurring and I really wish that people out there would stop being so incredibly petty and causing shit for the sake of causing shit because they havent had a power trip in awhile. People tend to forget where I come from, people tend to forget that although I dont name drop, I know people and to stand there and try to speak the truth, when I know I am right will only make you fall very hard.

The game has only just begun, this is going to be fun, thank God the hormones are back in check, tears ducts check, chin up check, walking with my head held high the way my Mommy taught me, check.

“Fok hulle Pa, ne Pa, fok hulle!”

H

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The Shag Buddy and the Friend Category

August 10, 2010 at 4:23 pm (2010, Just a few thoughts)

Hey its been awhile, too much of a social life and my body murdered me for it but the good news is I finally accomplished the one thing that I set out for they year, I finally moved to town. Yes, it only took me a year and half to do it but frik its finally done and dusted and I am so excited. I am so close to everything, I can walk everywhere and its awesome. Step 2 – find a new job in a media related field. How the hell do you do that when the only experience you really have is in freaking sales. Media sales – cold calling – vomit.

So to head to the topic at hand, one thing I have noticed lately is that shag buddies dont like it when you move them to the friend category. I dont see anything wrong with moving a guy over once the shag buddy situation has well, burned itself out but they dont see you like that, they dont see you as a friend, they just see you as that girl they fucked for a few months nothing more, nothing less. Besides all those conversations that burned the midnight oil, telling your deepest darkest secrets post shag, lying there discussing  the what, where and why’s of life, so for me to just walk away and not be your friend is quite difficult. They dont see it that way, “oh well, I cant call you after a night out so ja, whats the point of responding to your texts?” I just dont get? Maybe its a girl thing, we cant help caring, crap that sucks, sometimes I wish I didnt care if you had a kak day at work. Sometimes I really wish I just didnt give a flying continental if you stubbed your toe. But I do,  even though 9/10 it was just sex once I haved moved you over to the friend category, I still want you to be apart of my life because you were for so long and I care about your stubbed toe. Its so frikking hard not to care. Ja, its definitely a girl thing.

Why cant girls and boys be friends once they have been shag buddies? I would love to hear what boys have to say on that. Furball and I are still friends but I suppose that was different we are like two peas in pod.

I’m over it, if thats the way it should be then so be it, carefree shagging hmmm who knows if its possible if you have ovaries. Its not like I want you to be my boyfriend for petes sakes. Maybe thats what they are thinking, that if you are too nice to them that you luuuurvve them. No, its called having a freaking personality and that damn caring thing again, I dont want you for your manhood anymore but I do enjoy your brain, is that too hard to comprehend?

No, I’m not angry, just trying to understand what goes through boys brains?

Oh well, off to comedy, should be good one!

H

PS Bring on the cheese, dont judge me for my love of Bieber!!

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The Liberation of the Pornographic Film

May 26, 2010 at 5:59 pm (Just a few thoughts, Let's Talk About Sex Baby)

Perhaps I am just one of those liberated woman but to be quite honest I see nothing wrong with the adult film. I just finished watching Oprah, she had Jenna Jameson on, one of the industries more popular female leads and they were discussing how the adult film has become more common place in the bedroom.

Porn is everywhere these days, Samantha in Sex in the City made sex, dildos and multiple partners a popular subject amongst woman, and all of a sudden it was okay to discuss your boys and toys with your friends. The art of the sexual experience is no longer taboo, playing with yourself is healthy and normal and now porn is becoming okay too. Females are no longer turned off by what was once considered vile and dirty and only what boys did, it is now something that you can do with or without your partner. It is seen as something that can potentially enhance your sexual experience and maybe even teach you few more tricks.

I am not going to romanticize porn it is what is, bad actors, bad plots lines and all you really are waiting for is the climax (bad pun?) and don’t get me wrong there are certain aspects of the porn industry that I don’t agree with such as blatantly violent films and the non use of condoms. Condoms I suppose take away from what is happening in the scene but with all of the technology these days is there no way they can edit it out or just stop the take and just quickly put one on. And what is it teaching teenage boys that are enjoying themselves to these films, just a thought. There is of course the psychological impact of porn amongst teenage boys viewing and excessive use by men in general. As stated in this article in Time Magazine it can pervert a man’s image of how to treat a woman in day to day life and affect their relationships but once again we are going to the extreme. Porn tickles the curiosity of most but as with all things that are bad for you, everything in moderation, too much of a good thing is never good. Dependent on the person viewing it, I don’t see the harm, it can be fun you just can’t let the fun be what you classify as normal in day to day life.

A lot of my friends will disagree with what I think, there is still a conservative aspect amongst woman, and how we were brought up stops the liberation of sexuality amongst the woman in my generation.

Maybe I should have been born in the 60’s or I am just too liberal for certain parts of conservative South Africa but I see nothing wrong with exploring ones sexuality in whatever form it may come. No harm, no foul.

H

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Screw the romance…

May 6, 2010 at 4:03 pm (2010, Guy Skills, Just a few thoughts)

I think I’ve just been played fucking hell, my bullshitometer is normally quite good, but my “like blinkers” were on and I didn’t see the accident that was up ahead, dammit. I mentioned the boy in the previous post, I think that the blinker blindness was still in effect and my save the world, we are all good people ultimately feelings were still flying high. Fluffy damn you fluffy, damn you butterfly’s and naughty giggles.

I love Dorothy Black and her post on players got me thinking about this guy, I mean its like a game of have your cake and eat it. The truth of the matter is when we met he had just started seeing someone, dating not going out as he so eloquently put it but he still wanted to see where things would go. We kissed we got naked, stupid me. Then he would turn around and say “I still want to see where things are going with x.” I finally saw the light today damn you light why didn’t you come earlier. I had decided last week that I was going to walk away from the situation, let him play it out with x but then the texts and the skyping and whatever means of media you can use started.  I spoke to him finally and he told me that x was going nowhere and that she didn’t ” inspire” him, yes his word “inspire”, so I decided I wanted to inspire him all night long, so I flirted back, blatantly, with all sorts of naughty thoughts. Stupid me.

We were supposed to go out on Tuesday, he cancelled, we were supposed to go out on Wednesday he cancelled again due to hangover. Then today he tells me he feels like he didn’t give x enough of a chance that since the booty call text at 3am on Wednesday morning his feelings on the subject of x had changed.

You get these clever guys, I’ve met them before why I didn’t see it coming is beyond me, they fluff you up, make you feel damn special, they want to keep you a string just in case. I’m this guys “just in case”, he’s having all the fun with x but just in case it doesn’t quite work out with x, “please don’t you want to wait around, we can still be friends.” Fuck that.

But as Dorothy so poignantly pointed out I would still shag him, why though? Cause I know it will be good, the chemistry and all the sexual shit, damn you hormones leading me into trouble.

I’m over it Vic reckons I should go on mantox again, mantox doesn’t work, I need to meet a smoochable, I dont feel like getting naked, just some stupid boy I can play with for the evening, does that make me as bad as player dude above?

H

PS He sent me a picture of this butt, should I post it – or is that too evil? 😉

PPS I failed Xhosa miserably 😦

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