I blame hollywood…

January 24, 2011 at 6:44 pm (Just a few thoughts)

Yes, I know its been ages but I’ve been going through some kind of transition, I dont know how to explain it. I’ve been a bad friend and I’ve been very self indulgent, confused and I dont know how else to put other than I feel like my dreams for the future are changing and I blame my overies. I hate to harp on the whole I’m 30 boohoo but seriously it does make you start to see things differently.

I dont have time for bullshit, I dont have time for idiots and I think I am a little more sensitive in some areas but a little more full of shit in others. You definitely realise who your friends are, the ones you are going to keep for life and the ones who you dont really need.  Your eyes open very wide to the reality of who people really are and whether or not you want that influence in your life. I am definitely finding it alot easier to tell people where to shove it. Also I quite like who I am and fuck anyone who doesnt like it – bit of a fat ass at the moment but hey I still feel beautiful until I see the photographs lol…

The mantox, the damn mantox was destroyed by a drunken phone call to the Guru, eek, yes I know, I know, I should have just let sleeping dogs lie but when you have an itch well you know, scratch, scratch, scratch. So over it. Its been about 3yrs of scratching and what more is there? You never know whats going to happen after a couple of tequila’s, actually in general life just throws you into this repetitive game over and over and Slaapstad is killing me with its monotonous tones of grey people. The Guru is starting to turn a lighter shade of grey and I’m just damn bored of the whole situation. I would like to think its over now.

I ran into another one on Friday, the Player, drunk again and looking to score (me not him), I just dont get it, why I set myself up to fail just because its easier than the reality of trying to find someone new, someone that actually cares. This past summer I’ve had at least two guys who actually wanted to date me and I’ve batted them for a six. Maybe its the whole nice guy thing again, the one had shaky hand syndrome, “ohmigod a breast, a breast, must touch it, I’ve never seen one before” argh, nothing worse than a guy who doesnt know what he’s doing. The other was an afrikaaner who probably cant say his th’s, “can I like to caress your jeanpant wiff my hand” ja, no, its not going to happen dude, I would wrap you around my little finger and crush you.

On a lighter note, I went to a friends wedding this weekend, I met so many cool people and I had so much fun dancing the night away. I met guys that could actually discuss novels (unfortunately in relationships), guys who were actually interesting and it made me open my eyes to the fact that maybe just maybe, all is not lost and I will find that sex god who blows my mind with his mind and I just need to be more open to possibilities, allow the real in and stop giving wankers licence to get into my pants. And dammit I am such a romantic and after watching how my parents loved each other, I so badly want that too. Damn Hollywood with their grandious ideas of what love is all about, stories of princesses and freaking happy endings, I think they’ve screwed up our generation with their fake realities.

So for now I am just going to live my life, stop watching romcoms and reading those trashy romcom books and keep on living life and making the most of every moment because who knows whats coming next, I have to make my life mine and the time is now.

Happy New Year people I hope 2011 is full of adventure!!

H xx

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Hi my name is Holly and its been 92 days…

September 28, 2010 at 4:46 pm (2010, Just a few thoughts)

since my last shag.

I want this boy!!

You would think I would be clawing at straws by now but surprisingly I’m okay. Okay I’m a lighter shade of purple. And I attempted sexually abusing Toy Boy on Thursday night before promptly getting bored and kicking him out of my flat (I was defriended on facebook because of this ha ha). I have no shame when I am drunk and I actually told him I was bored and that it was time to leave, he wasnt impressed, I didn’t care, I still don’t care, does that make me a bad person. Boys that smell like dove soap, I don’t know hey, my clit died.

Less than two weeks till Daisies, there’s a new boy that I like, he’s emotionally unstable, just broken up with his girlfriend and acts like a cocky wanker in front of his friends. On the other hand he loves the same music that I do, likes me for all my bullshit and we can talk for hours and hours. He even called me exotically beautiful, does that mean the same thing that cute does? Hope not. I am not sure if Daisies is the right time to attempt a fondle with this boy. But man I want him. Did I mention he plays the drums too, yesiree, this boy used to play in a band, sexy Rocker boy mmmm…. Leave me be all I have left are my fantasies.

My mate and I went onto some dating websites the other day (is this a sign of pure and unadulterated desperation eek), and I decided I am not quite ready to pay to date, why must I pay someone to get introduced to some new boys. Is it the sign of the times that everything is done in front of a freaking computer and no one just goes out and meets people. Vomit not quite ready to follow that path. Desperation is not in my vocabulary just yet.

No news, no penis, does 3 months of no sex make me a virgin again?

H

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Around the world in 80 lays ;)

September 15, 2010 at 7:56 pm (2010, Let's Talk About Sex Baby)

I wish that was a true story except it’s actually been 80 days since I got laid, yes, I actually calculated it. It’s that sad, well in my world, that sad. The drought led to a self-imposed mantox, the thought goes like this, “well if I am not interested in fucking anyone right now and there is nobody that I am attracted to enough to fuck, then why fuck for the sake of fucking?” Although if a man had to gently caress any one of my sexy bits I would probably come on the spot, I am one giant hormone ball, PMS included.

So I am trying for 100 days now, that will take us to the 5th of October (yes I calculated it) and if I can make it through Daisies without rampant bunny tent sex then I am may even try six months and if I can get to six months (which by the way I havent done since I was about 18) I may even try for a year. It’s quite a hectic prospect but I am trying out a new theory, “you don’t get touch me until you have mentally stimulated me.” And since I find mental stimulation quite a difficult thing to come by in Slaapstad, I reckon this should be a very interesting year ha ha

In a way I have also just decided that I miss the relationship I had with Bad Shag, yes, he was a Bad Shag but we could talk for hours and there was that emotional connection over the sex, so now its my mission to find both. And if it means giving up the sex for a little while to find it, then why not I am up for trying something new, always 😉

I havent made a decision about whether or not this no sex thing will include touching and kissing and well all the other rad stuff that precedes sex, yet. We shall see I can’t jump the gun, it hasn’t even been a 100 days yet ha ha

If I can give up sex, I must have the will power somewhere in me to give up smoking, shew…

H

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The Drought…

September 3, 2010 at 4:56 pm (2010)

It  had to happen some time…

No shag buddies, no potential boys, no nothing…

Not since England lost to Germany in the WC, what next?

H

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I won, I won…kinda

August 27, 2010 at 5:37 pm (2010, Just a few thoughts)

Well apparently some people don’t know the law, some people don’t know how my family work, you fuck with one, you fuck with all, oh it was so much fun when they had to sit there and retract their statements. Oh it was so much fun when I scared them into thinking they needed a lawyer and yes, oh yes it was so much fun to act like nothing had happened and to watch their faces.

I was sitting having a beer with Muis the other day and I came to the conclusion that men who are ambitious really freaking turn me on. Cleverness matched with ambition makes me weak in the knees. Looking at history and blah blah, the only guys that I have really gone for have been these successful, intelligent, go-getters mmmm…

Irish was on his way up, playing the stock market, Furball is a genius scientist/businessman, Guru well I wont mention what he does but it extremely successful and clever. The rest are all pretty much in the same category. Ambitious and hard-working, I wont lie it makes me a little tingly down below.

Things that turn me on, conversation, a proper conversation really turns me on, it’s all about communication for me not necessarily in the bedroom as well but outside. If I can have a proper conversation with you, then well the rest will follow accordingly.

Met a weird boy the other day, what is with weird boys and their need to sms stalk you about how they just want to cuddle no strings attached. Fuck off seriously, I am not going to give you licence to fondle my soft bits, sorry dude. If I am not attracted to you when royally dronk, then I will never be attracted to you.

I have also realised, as all woman are, at some point in their lives, incredibly manipulative. If I am about to not get my own way I will pull every trick out of my bag to make it go my way, there is only one person on this planet who doesn’t fall for it. No names mentioned but it seriously drives me insane and once again the tingles start. A man who doesn’t fall for my bullshit they are few a far between unfortunately this one is off-limits, playing the game is fun but games only get you so far.

So I have rambled enough for one evening I think its time to head out for drinks and some good tunes…feel it, it is here, Friday, shew I have missed you.

H

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I wish I could argue without crying!

August 23, 2010 at 4:48 pm (2010, Just a few thoughts)

Being female is the bain of my existence, I wish for one day I could be a man and argue to the point of frustration, without fucking crying. I wish that my ovaries didnt dictate my tear ducts and I wish that I could be rational when PMSing. I wish that I could have a rational argument without delving into my evil side and I wish that those that have it in for me a revolving door of Karma in their faces.

I wish all the things I think about after the fact, would come into my brain while the argument is actually occurring and I really wish that people out there would stop being so incredibly petty and causing shit for the sake of causing shit because they havent had a power trip in awhile. People tend to forget where I come from, people tend to forget that although I dont name drop, I know people and to stand there and try to speak the truth, when I know I am right will only make you fall very hard.

The game has only just begun, this is going to be fun, thank God the hormones are back in check, tears ducts check, chin up check, walking with my head held high the way my Mommy taught me, check.

“Fok hulle Pa, ne Pa, fok hulle!”

H

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Sick Puppies – Odd One

August 11, 2010 at 4:18 pm (2010, Favourite Tunes)

My new favourite band, pure awesomness, these lyrics are so pertinent because of the extreme drunk insanity last night, I pulled off an evil drunk, tequila is not my friend, it turns me into a cocky, arrogant, invincible bitch. Tequila, who needs cocaine? Made a new friend in a local Long Street Bergie called August, then walked into new flat block and found another bergie sleeping in the passageway, interesting times, Town is just interesting in general. Also realised that the friendship rules dont apply the same way in Town, maybe I care too much once again but hey that was a learning curve all on its own, apparently everyone is just looks out for themselves. Agh thats not going to stop me from caring, I dont agree with that rule especially when it applies to people that you care about, or just a drunk aquaintance in general.

Anyway here are the awesomeness lyrics to my new favourite song:

Sick Puppies – Odd one

Odd one, you’re never alone
I’m here and I will reflect you
Both of us basically unattached
To anything or anyone unless we’re pretending
You live your life in your head
Some call it imagination
I’d rather focus instead on anything except
What I’m feeling
What I’m feeling
Odd one…

Hey, it’s gonna be okay
Hey, we’re gonna laugh at this one day

Odd one, I wish I was you
You’re never concerned with acceptance
We are all desperately seeking out,
And fitting in with anyone
Who will accept us
But not you, odd one

Hey, it’s gonna be okay
Hey, we’re gonna laugh at this one day

Hey, it’s gonna be okay
Hey, gonna laugh at this one day

Hey, it’s gonna be okay
Hey, we’re gonna laugh at this one day

Don’t let someone tell you you’re no-one
Don’t let someone tell you you’re no-one
Odd one…

H

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The Shag Buddy and the Friend Category

August 10, 2010 at 4:23 pm (2010, Just a few thoughts)

Hey its been awhile, too much of a social life and my body murdered me for it but the good news is I finally accomplished the one thing that I set out for they year, I finally moved to town. Yes, it only took me a year and half to do it but frik its finally done and dusted and I am so excited. I am so close to everything, I can walk everywhere and its awesome. Step 2 – find a new job in a media related field. How the hell do you do that when the only experience you really have is in freaking sales. Media sales – cold calling – vomit.

So to head to the topic at hand, one thing I have noticed lately is that shag buddies dont like it when you move them to the friend category. I dont see anything wrong with moving a guy over once the shag buddy situation has well, burned itself out but they dont see you like that, they dont see you as a friend, they just see you as that girl they fucked for a few months nothing more, nothing less. Besides all those conversations that burned the midnight oil, telling your deepest darkest secrets post shag, lying there discussing  the what, where and why’s of life, so for me to just walk away and not be your friend is quite difficult. They dont see it that way, “oh well, I cant call you after a night out so ja, whats the point of responding to your texts?” I just dont get? Maybe its a girl thing, we cant help caring, crap that sucks, sometimes I wish I didnt care if you had a kak day at work. Sometimes I really wish I just didnt give a flying continental if you stubbed your toe. But I do,  even though 9/10 it was just sex once I haved moved you over to the friend category, I still want you to be apart of my life because you were for so long and I care about your stubbed toe. Its so frikking hard not to care. Ja, its definitely a girl thing.

Why cant girls and boys be friends once they have been shag buddies? I would love to hear what boys have to say on that. Furball and I are still friends but I suppose that was different we are like two peas in pod.

I’m over it, if thats the way it should be then so be it, carefree shagging hmmm who knows if its possible if you have ovaries. Its not like I want you to be my boyfriend for petes sakes. Maybe thats what they are thinking, that if you are too nice to them that you luuuurvve them. No, its called having a freaking personality and that damn caring thing again, I dont want you for your manhood anymore but I do enjoy your brain, is that too hard to comprehend?

No, I’m not angry, just trying to understand what goes through boys brains?

Oh well, off to comedy, should be good one!

H

PS Bring on the cheese, dont judge me for my love of Bieber!!

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The Slut Factor…

July 14, 2010 at 7:28 pm (Let's Talk About Sex Baby)

I’ve been thinking about my “history” of late and I wont deny I honestly don’t think I can remember them all, does that make me a slut? I lost my virgin status quite young, curiosity got the better of me in so many ways and I have always been incredibly sexual but because I don’t see anything wrong with the odd shag here and there does that make me a bit of a slut?

On the one hand I wholeheartedly believe that as woman we should be able to be sexually liberal pick and choose who we want to “fuck” or “do” without misconceptions or judgment but in South Africa there is still that element of conservative thinking, we will be judged as scarlet lettered woman, we wont be seen as free thinking, free-spirited girls, with probably a higher IQ than the next. Girls will never be seen as perhaps someone who enjoys fucking for the sake of fucking but rather as slutty little whores or desperate.

I have found in my textbook of shag buddys that the fact that I am extremely liberated, love shagging with the lights on and don’t mind telling them what to do (because sometimes they are just doing it bloody wrong) is incredibly threatening to their manhood.  Being sexually strong and with a brain cell or two is actually threatening to some males and their insecurities start shining through. They don’t need to prove anything to me but because I have a number to look back to and measure against, they feel they need to. Its boring, guys that over try bore me to tears. I could always start writing about fucking vs nice and slow but I suppose that would take me off the topic at hand.

There is the other side of the coin to being liberal (yes, lets euphamise slut), all the dirty little things that can happen when you like a shag or two but I like to think I am educated enough to know how to use a condom and to take responsibility for my actions, miss gynae and mr condom go hand in hand.

So what actually makes a girl a slut, is there a certain number of guys she must have shagged in order to get that status, are we not free thinking enough to see the other side and that what men can do woman can sometimes do better. Can we not just be seen as human with sexual thoughts and feelings instead what society expects us to be. I don’t want to sit at home on a Saturday night and watch romcoms waiting for the romance and sexual chemistry to happen, I want to make it happen.

As Dorothy so poignantly put it “I’d rather be a happy slut than a miserable prude.”

H

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The Seagulls name was Nelson

July 7, 2010 at 8:24 pm (2010)

So once again I am incredibly glad to have inherited my Mothers memory, I won another bet, hence the name of this post, yes, it’s actually a song. Google it. So much World Cup madness, met a cute American boy, love intelligent conversations. We smooched and then I ran off with his hat. Kissed an Argentinian too, yup, weird night. Patron, yes, you would be correct.

It’s strange how the lead up to your 30th can lead you into a blind panic and then once its there you sort of just don’t care anymore, umm, how do I put this, fuck it, I’m still having fun. I am incredibly blessed, there is a lot of love in the air from family and friends, I have a roof over my head and a warm blanket that covers my body every night and a salary that pays for all my goofiness, I am one lucky girl who am I to complain.

Bad shag has impregnated his wife, wasnt impressed when I found that out, umm well because it was one of the reasons why we broke up, mini vomé in the mouth. But once again the “he’s just not that into you” concept comes into play, he does want to impregnate someone, just not you, mini back flip in emotions and then it was umm do you really care?? You would have settled, do you want that?? Nooooo!!!

Lots of news, please excuse…

Guru has come back on scene, not in quite the way you would expect, closure no. 2 for the month. You know how you go back to a situation expecting one thing and then you get another, well that was it and I kind of walked away going, Thank God , the feelings are gone, still think he’s a rad guy though, challenging – ja, I like that brain.

Found out from Furball that a new girl friend of mine wants me, that was quite interesting, he found out at my birthday, remind me I need to tell the pepper  spray story at some point (highlight of my birthday, sarcasm noted) , anyway she is bi which I recently found out too and well, wants me. Hmmm I am just playing friends, we are going away for her birthday, remind me not to drink too much, I am too crazy when I drink.

Player has been reminding me of the fact that I am the worst kind of procrastinator that there is, and its holding me back in such a huge way. Umm tomorrow, no I don’t think so, umm how about next month, umm…. Ja not good. I’m reading the 7 habits of highly effective people, time to move forward and yes, I have been talking about this for months, years, decades but now I actually have to do it. I promise I will do it  – I will send my CV out. I will, I promise!! Blog promise!! You can give me shit if I go back on it.

There is so much to tell and only so much internet time….well, I am just having fun for the moment, I don’t want to complicate my life, ooh, exams results, I was right I fucked up Xhosa, Comm Law was fine and so was Info Science. I am too old for this shit, I hate studying.

A poll you say???

The question is:

Should I finish my degree or just work my way up?

Time to go, time to have another glass of red vino!!

H 🙂

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